I'm for the first time in my life realizing that I had closed myself out, so that i could become like others. Somewhere this or that about another person, about their life was better than mine and that has always held me back. Whether i was comparing myself to those brahmacharis in the ashram, or those teachers in the isha home school, or that person who was successful in their career, or that man who was always serving others...i have spent the better part of my life
seeing what this person or that person has that i dont and that i should be like, or should have. Its the first time i feel compassion towards myself, i feel i want to listen to myself, to my heart, to what lies within myself and see what it is that i am, what i want.

I might not be mother teresa, i might not be radha or mirabai, i might not be clad in an orange robe or have taken all the right steps in my life, yet I am a being that is born out of that same nothingness all the others are created out of. I am also part of that source, of that life form that we call god. And i want to find that me that i have ignored for lifetimes. I want to take care of myself, i want to free myself from all the pain and suffering that it has known. I want to love myself. For the first time i want to be true to myself and love myself, not constantly critisize and see the negatives in myself. I too have weaknesses, i too have limitations, i too have shortcomings, yet i want to see and accept them today. I want to accept the pains in my body, i want to accept the teeth i have, the smile i have, the face that i have been born with, i want to love my voice, my body, my hands, my feet, my toes, my teeth, i want to love myself. For in loving myself, i tend to love that wholesome one that i am always in search of. For the first time i realize that acceptance is the key we are in search of to the beyond. There is so much we cannot accept, so many walls we have built that even we are not aware of. I do not know if i have made the right choices, i do not have the riches to offer god, i do not have a genius mind or a body that can do wonders, but i have something in me that doesnt let me give up no matter how broken i am, i have something in me that keeps me going when all has failed, i have something that is there with me when everyone has turned their faces away, i have something inside me that is so strong that i know no circumstance, no person in the world can crush that spirit. I bow down to the one who has helped me see it, helped me harness it and helped me realize that pure timeless conciousness that we are. He is my guru, he is the only one i live for, it is for him that each breath of mine i take.