Swinging through highs and lows

Sometimes up, sometimes down, like a pendulum i swing these days. It's like I am watching myself all the time....all the nonsense i think, all the games we play with ourselves, the sensations in my physical body...everything seems so much clearer now I'm watching it all the time. I feel such strong emotions that I have become so aware of.....I am watching myself through hatred, jealousy, anger, comparisons....I watch myself doing these. It's very difficult to break it...to break the thoughts that are generated by certain events/actions, or the comparisons that happen when you want something someone else has....but I see it more clearly now, i watch myself doing it and in full awareness it feels like they become looser.
Comparing....a long ingrained human thought....I've been going through it lately too. It's happened in several instances of my life....may be beginning from that kid who got higher marks than me to the girl who was the most popular in school, to that person who has the life I always wanted to live....and it goes on. But now its different....I've started watching myself more as I respond to or interact with the object of my comparison. I watch how that person too is so much like me....so much craving the same things, feeling the same insecurities. I watch how they might have what I desire....but I have something else. But most of all I watch myself.....the beauty of just being. Everyone says...'just be yourself'....but thats definately not easy to implement. But when you simply let yourself compare....watching it, slowly you just let yourself be.....for things are exactly as they were meant to be and theyre perfect....and in the understanding of that perfection comes a tremendous freedom.