I feel myself getting much more straight with life lately than I've ever been. There have been times when I wanted to pull my hair apart because I couldn't take how being straight with myself made me feel.
However, I realize how many games we play with ourselves through the mind....how convincingly we find reasons to avoid situations, paths that may be uncomfortable to us, that may make us see something or become more aware of something about us that we don't like. Everything we do almost unconciously is in the pursuit of happiness....and this happiness comes only when we feel good about ourselves....so we keep finding ways to avoid ever looking beyond those surface layers where the lies hidden so many of our thoughts, feelings, emotions that are sometimes anti everything we believe in.
But once one starts facing these head on, then one starts seeing alot about oneself one doesn't like...but in that is great liberation. For when we start seeing ourselves through our nonsense, through our mess....slowly the acceptance naturally happens, because now we aren't avoiding ourselves at all. It also brings more compassion for others as we realize how unaware we are sometimes of our own behaviour, and how it takes time to understand ones actions. It brings great sensitivity....because you now know your own weaknesses, your own junk and so can empathize we others problems....as the great realization comes not through talk or through books but through experience....that we are not all perfect....yet we are all striving towards that complete perfection. And it is when we start becoming 100% straight with ourselves......that's when perfection starts becoming part of our life.
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