Breaking point....

Getting straight with life..that's what I've started looking at it as. There's so much nonsense,so much deception, so much facade that we work with in this mind of ours that so many times we're busy covering up so much of what we want to hide from being noticed, by others or ourselves. In fact there are so many layers of resistances, so many layers coated on top of us that many times we aren't even really concious of our own selves - what we find difficult to deal with, what it is we like, so many of our dislikes and what is it that breaks us down.
When we slowly start unravelling these layers, we see alot of things we do not like about ourselves. Our first tendency is to push it aside or run away from the situation so that we don't have to deal with it, don't have to deal with telling ourselves how hard it is to accept something. That's kind of how it's been here the past few days. It's like life is moving at a 1000 kms/hour and every so often things emerge that i hate, that make me want to almost run away. It's a gorgeous place, yet its easy to see it either as heaven or hell based on your own mind condition at the time.
Yesterday night as there was no electricitiy for three hours, it was raining hard, the wind was blowing, the trees were making eerie noises, the moon was looking ghost like and the clouds had fogged up the mountains. I sat in my room with a candle, frogs croaking outside and lizards in my room....I felt like i was falling apart...i couldn't take the isolation, I couldn't take this place that was so raw, everybody almost too peaceful for my liking. And as i looked out i thought, this same place would look like heaven to me on a good day, but today i hate it here, i detest this place and want to run, run so fast and so far that i don't come back. But i know there is no where to run away to, i will come back....for the solution to no problem lies in running away, it lies in facing it head on, with full alertness, and breaking every inch of that thing that you call yourself!