I don’t understand it yet,
Soaking me in so softly, so tenderly, no need to understand it.
Drenched in this new ecstasy of being,
The feelings that had been shut off for lifetimes so many.
Coming up within me.
Bringing colour into the world,
Music into each movement of creation,
The feeling of the swaying leaves of the tree,
The feeling of the hot rays of the sun on my face in the chilly winter afternoon,
Feelings that each beat, each harmony in the music brings,
Intense emotions that the colours around me bring,
Smells and sounds I had ignored so long….
Sensations, so many sensations….that I had never known before.

Poetry my only connection to the verbal world,
Dance my only connection to the physical,
Music takes me into dimensions I cannot tread alone,
Art a means to see myself through the light of colours.
Gardening a way to touch that with which I begin and end,
I look, I look, noise then silence
Opinions, arguments, random blurting……
On the track to nowhere, yet in such a hurry to get somewhere….
Looking to compare, looking to find “what’s wrong”,
“Impossible” they say….. real world they call it,
struggle a part of life has become.

Freedom from the knot of thoughts,
For the first time in direct touch with the world…
Uncontrollable intensity….fear takes over,
What is happening?
Have I gone too far to ever come back?
Is there a line that’s not supposed to be crossed, that I’m crossing over into?
Back to my compulsive thoughts and actions….
Back to trying to consolidate the “me” once again.
But the cry of love so strong…..I will let go, I will come,
I will let the cosmic time decide when and how….
Giving in more and more the only way,
Giving in to that I don’t understand, so that I can merge into understanding itself….