I think most people have declared me to have gone completely insane! The way life is looking right now, I cant blame them.... the few moments that I do allow my mind a few words I find myself shouting.......STTTOPPPP....for crying out loud...please stop! I know this would sound slightly phoney to the logical mind, but the truth is that I know the way my life is moving, I am not really the one controlling things anymore. That's not to say, that if I wanted to decide that I've had enough....I couldnt go sit in a software company and do a job to earn some. That is a definate possibility, and one that under circumstances might be necessary to also take up. But when I say I am not really in control....it means its as though someone has taken it over to dig out and bring to you your innermost desires, and now you can just sit back and watch the play unfold! Its like someone who first holds your hand and tells you to walk along, then starts jogging with you, then starts running, and then just picks you up and starts sprinting with you on their shoulders at top speed! That's how it feels sometimes....its the best I can do to put it in words. Like this major sense of urgency in me, like this insane kind of drive in me, like i just need to generate a thought that comes from within and Boom...its there infront of me, and all thats required from me is the right action.

For people who look at life as you earn till 60 and then you do what you want.....my life is a little distasteful. I cant say I've done all the right things.....I know I'm in a messy kind of situation right now.....but I also have immense trust in that which has put me in this situation. If that which has put me here, had enough faith in me to give me everything I ever dreamt of, then that thing will take me in the right direction. I've realized this path is all about trust in that something which we can't define, which we can't prove exists, which beats in each of our heartbeats, which we feel in our heart when we listen carefully, but which stays quiet, stays silent, away from the hussle bussle of our noisy minds. But once we get in touch with that source, that source so deep, the very basis of life....then we become silent....because we know that we need to play our part, the rest will be taken care of, we need to be involved to our fullest in each act we perform, the rest will happen on its own........even when life looks to be a complete mess, we need to be aware of ourselves but have faith things will sort themselves out.....and i know they will.