Going to be leaving in another week. I don't really know what to make out of it. It's almost like I was in a deep slumber my whole life, and just a week or so ago I came out of it. I feel so peaceful leaving or being here, that the fear that now lurks is that will this peace stay. I know it is for me to nurture it and keep it, for it all lies within me, and it is that power that makes leaving easier for me. Up until about two weeks ago I felt so stuck, so stuck in my creation of my ideas, my own nonsense. And then a few events occured that shook the very foundation, the very basis of what I considered as myself. Questions were raised, fingers were pointed, assumptions made, decisions taken..........left me crushed, left me broken, left me totally and completely shattered to say the least. If there was a saying, then it was true - When you are completely lost, that's when you find yourself. For me, I saw this happening in front of my eyes. There was that day, that I was walking all alone on a dark path.....I had gone through so much that neither could i turn to anyone for help, nor would talking help. Nothing would help. And that day I just walked...a wreck, alone. And that was the day i just gave up....i felt myself just walking, simply walking because there was nothing else left to do. Thats when suddenly i felt a hand on shoulder....."lets go string flowers for tomorrow's big day shivani!" I started bawling.....leave me alone i begged them, hiding myface. But that person took me and sat with me as we strung flowers. It was almost 3 hours when i realized how this simple act of stringing flowers had actually changed my life forever. It was a concious realization how i was stuck in my own nonsense, which was my own making, and the only solution lied in not listening to myself, my chit chat, my nonsense. When i became less important, and I gave a chance for that something else, that something that cannot be described to become more important, suddenly a new dimension opened up.

Always having been less of a doer, because i couldnt see the use of all the doing, the purpose of it all....now "doing" has taken on a completely different meaning in my life. For me it is a meditation, it is the only way out of this......and it all came to me with the simple act of stringing flowers....