Today was a really hard day for me. It started off really well actually....i went to the children's assembly in the morning with the 11 to 14 year olds were performing a play called the Poetry cafe. It was infact one of the best ideas I've seen in a long time. They had created a beautiful set of a Cafe with a piano and cafe tables and the whole idea was that they were selling poetry. So people would come and order poetry and they had all kinds of poems...and ofcourse my favourite...an invitation.
But after that it was like a downhill day. I wanted to get involved with a certain activity in school and was told to go talk to a certain person. Now this person is someone who is dead opposite me in every single way and both of us cannot understand eachothers' language. She was structured, by the book, by the rules on the way this had to go and in a 5 second conversation she basically asked me to fill out a formal application. I said fine, but a few minutes later I realized how insane the conversation had been and that I actually couldnt understand what an application would do in this situation. Anyways, after that I got into a trap where I felt so suffocated by this lady who couldn't understand the kind of work I wanted to do which was open ended and couldnt appreciate a certain flexibility that comes with being me. Getting caught up in this, my mind shot into a supernova of its own where I couldn't control it, leaving me totally listless the whole day. As I was just on the computer though, I realized how I wasn't even sure why i was so upset about this anymore. I realized that there are so many unconcious, hidden angles to things, that one thing may fire it up, but after that its a series of thoughts and emotions that builds up, that we aren't even fully aware of. Soon it turns into a mess that we have no idea how to control because we are no more concious of what is making us feel a certain way. It was an interesting realization for me as after the whole day I feel a little lighter now after a rather tiring roller coaster ride my mind took me on today.